Spirit in the Night
by countrybutterfly
Summary: After he died, I found I only felt normal, like me again, at night when I could see him in my dreams. LAKE.


Warnings for : Lake slash, character death, mpreg, AU

* * *

It almost like it should have happened in a movie, not real life. We were high school sweethearts, recent college graduates, and newlyweds. We might have been young, but Lucas and I were ready for the whole 'together for the rest of our lives' thing. _Our _life together was supposed to be long…I guess that's were it begins to look like something that should have happened only in a movie, because that's when it all went wrong. 

On the medical report the official cause of death was, in layman's terms, a weak heart, one battered and left for dead after HCM and two heart attacks, it was the second one that ruined everything. It seems cruelly ironic that Lucas would die of a weak heart, because despite the physical reality Lucas had a stronger heart than many of the people could claim. He loved me even after I had told him about Jenny, he never cared. Even after he came out and was yelled and cursed out by Brooke for deceiving him, when she came around he welcomed her as a friend with open arms. That was just the kind of person he was, if he loved you once, he loved you his entire…

I know that losing a loved one, especially a beloved on, nearly kills many people; And I know they say it becomes easier after a while. I watched Luke go through hell and come out stronger after Keith died. Karen seemed like some kind of saint to me in the way she handle both Keith and Lucas' deaths. She said Lilly kept her from losing her way. I just couldn't see myself ever coming out of what I felt. I became just there, feed Jenny, drop Jenny of at Peyton's or Brooke's, pick her back up, sit Jenny in the room, feed her again, and put her to bed. Meaningless routines and days defined the first week after his death.

It was exactly two weeks later that he came back to me, not in the real sense, but in the night…

* * *

_I know I'm dreaming because I don't remember coming to his grave, something I haven't done since I buried him and something I don't think I'll be able to do for a while._

"_It's funny, because if I remember correctly I was supposed to be the brooder…and you were the strong one."_

_I turn around to see him standing there wearing what he had they day we had gotten married._

"_Not strong enough." I point out._

"_Jake, depressing really doesn't suit you."_

"_Lucas, you're dead for crying out loud, I lost you…" I scream at him._

"_No, you'll never lose me…remember 'not even death will part us'…it's not just something we said. I meant that." He walks past me and I see we have instantly moved to a playground I can see what I assume is an older Jenny playing, her laughter drifts towards us._

_Lucas smiles, faces me, "Take care of him."_

_He tries walking past me, but I stop him, "What?"_

_He come around behind me, wraps his arm around my waist and I close my eyes to take in his voice, "Tell him I love him. I love all three of you. I'm watching over you."_

_He's gone again. I look behind me, panicking to find him._

"_Daddy! Come play with us!" I turn to playground to find a little blonde boy standing at the top of the jungle gym. Suddenly I smile as I recognize who he is and run over to join them._

"_Who were you talking to, Daddy?" Jenny asks._

_"He was talking to Papa." The little boy tells her._

* * *

I guess premonitions and prophecies that come in dreams seem to be in the same category of plot lines that are reserved for movies and the Bible. But it was something I had suspected the before Lucas' death, I had even bought a test that day before it all had happened. I tried to remember it was a happy time, expecting a baby meant I had some part of Lucas left with me, but in my head I kept think of everything he would miss. The baby in me was very much his father's son, he was only calm at night when he too got to share the man that only appeared at night. 

_I follow Lucas out side to the front porch._

"_What's the matter?" I ask concerned._

"_Jake, there's something we need to talk about. I can't keep doing this…" Lucas tells me, "I can't keep doing this to you. You're only you when your asleep, and it's because of me…"_

"_Yeah, because being with you makes me, me." _

_He laughs and collapses on the patio's wicker love seat, "Sometimes you can be so thick headed." He pulls me close, baby hill and all. "You will see though…eventually. I'm always with you."_

_We sit here while watching the stars come out, when he gets up pulling me with me, he gathers me into a kiss and walks down to the street._

"_Where are you going?" I call after him._

"_I've got to go for a little bit. But don't worry I'll be back."_

"_But…"_

"_Stop…Our son is calling for you."_

* * *

That dream came on the same night Matthew Lucas Scott-Jagielski was born. The dream that night was the last I had in a while, and instead of lamenting over the fact I began trying to do what Lucas had been telling me along to do, and I was there for our kids. Because I least could be there for them, and I could tell them all about there father. 

Matti grew into the spitting image of his father, his eyes and more sensitive nature, and he had his heart. By heart, I am grateful to say I don't mean in the physical sense, but he has a strength in him that I had once been jealous of Lucas for having. Over the years Lucas made random appearances in my dreams, though not as often as he did that first year, and it became those reassurances that have taught me it never hurts less, losing someone. But it was Lucas' love that taught me that the constant feeling that comes with the hurt isn't pain…it the love of one you left staying behind to try their best to heal you. To make it livable. To make you, you again.

* * *

I know I'm not dreaming as I smile staring at the night and hear the soft whisper. 

"_It's good to see you smile, again."_

"As you said you were the broody one." I say out loud, unafraid of who hears me.

"_And you were the strong one."_

"I'm only me because of you."

"_There was a time when hearing that would have heart, now it makes me happy."_

"Are you smiling, now?" I ask.

"_Looking at you…of course. I'm proud you've done a good job. Jenny's beautiful, and Matti…"_

"He takes after you. He got a full basketball scholarship for this fall."

"_I know. I'm so proud of them…all three of you. I was always afraid what would happen to you if I were to leave…"_

"You can be thick headed sometimes," I laugh, "You never left."

I can hear his responding laugh, "_Not even death can part us," _He quotes our vows, "_I love you, Jake."_

"I love you, too."

I can hear a shuffle and I know someone is eavesdropping.

"Who's he talking to?" I can hear Jenny voice roughly over the phone line.

"He was just talking to Papa."

* * *

Okay, everyone I wrote this ages ago, even before Better Than I Could Have Planned, so this was the ideal and the fic that started my LAKE fascination and I guess I just tucked it away. I found it this morning, and edited, like in the original Lucas dies differently but I think this works better. And I've talked my self in to posting it. And I know it's a long one shot but it doesn't work any other way. 

I hope everyone enjoyed it…And I would really like to know what you all thought about it. So, please review.

As always I don't own One Tree Hill…

_**This is me signing out.**_


End file.
